RAPED BY A BEAST 2: The Redemption

 

Time they say
“…Heals a multitude of wounds”
The illusion in this saying, I’m yet to grasp
Its madness, superficial
With no potency to salvage me
From the hurt I embraced
Nor the ensuing guilt I absorbed
Three ugly years ago

Silence was my best shot
I never told a word
I didn’t inform the police
Nor divulge my dilemma to family and friends
I was scared of being stigmatized
And looked scornfully at
I didn’t want blames to hit me as stones
For I indeed went to James’ without compulsion
So I never told a word
‘Cos the society never understands

No one knew James was a beast
And my silence allowed him roam freely in the streets
Possibly ravaging others
While he wore his cologne of pretense

I struggled to trust another
Trauma was the new order
Fear, pain and shame like no other
“All men are the same irrespective
Of their shapes, size or colour,
Craving only for their lustful desires.”
So I thought
I knew I was going to die later or sooner
Of my daily torment
And ugly nightmares
If I didn’t stumble upon an antidote

I went online
Read the stories of other victims of rape
Hoping to find solace
And redemption for my soul
Rather, I was greeted with agony
Each story I read punctured my heart
Letting it dangle in mid-air
While my hatred for mankind soared
I was choking, everyone knew that
But no one knew why

One night, I sat up at moonlight and thought
“What is the worst that can happen
If I should tell my pitiable tale of shame?”
Ridicule, disrespect and stigma was the answer
Being aware of that, I finally stopped caring
Because the silence was killing me slowly
I suddenly stopped bothering about what the world thought
My story just had to be heard one way or the other
That night was long, then short
I stepped out in the dark I had come to dread
I made another careless journey to a lady down the street.

I’ve always known her to be cheerful
Motherly and full of wisdom
Her presence smelt comfort
And her shoulder soothing to cry on
She welcomed me in
And offered me those beautiful shoulders
To cry on, while she listened to my plight
My eyes were swollen and red
And that was no magic

Like Houdini’s spell
Something strange happened
Immediately I was done talking
And even without a word from her
I felt a burden lifted off my chest
My sorrows took a plunge
And I suddenly started feeling
The peace I lost 3 years ago.
My sad secret was gone
Gone with most of my pains
For darkness thrives in secrets
But that was still not the magic

Joyce looked at me,
For that was her name
She told me my story was same as hers
Except that hers was worse
Joyce was molested by her dad from age 6
Till she lost her senses at 12
She hated him, cursed him
Yet she miraculously eventually forgave him
Living in peace with herself undauntedly

Her story caught me
It was crazy and unbelievable
Yet I knew her words were true, devoid of lies
#Forgiveness she said was her secret:
The miraculous pill that works magic
First I was to take it for myself
Before giving James his fair dose
She taught me to stop blaming myself for the
Mistakes of yesterday
And illuminated my heart with
The beauty of tomorrow

For the first time in a dark while
I realized that I alone have the key to my happiness
And my success in life wasn’t tied to
James or the pains he subjected me to
Unforgiveness was the seed that I sowed
Which gave rise to depression, sorrows and hatred
I had thought I was hurting James by not forgiving
But in reality, I was taking a suicidal jump unknowingly

It took me some days to finally practice her teaching
But she didn’t fail to make me accept the role of Jesus
In settling that terrible storm in my life
For without Him, I had no power to truly forgive

Beyond the great mystery of forgiveness
I was exposed to my right and the necessity
To file sexual abuse charges when offended
Not necessarily for vengeance sake
But to prevent others from
Being hurt by a loose ravaging beast

This is the redemption I have always longed for
To be free from the claws of my past
And to comfort others with the same comfort I received
Rape is an incident, not a life sentence
Today old things are gone, the new has come
My happiness is solely my responsibility
And won’t be dictated by an incident


There is a redemption from trauma. It starts with being vocal about the issue. Sexual harassment and abuse cases should be reported to the police. Seek legal counsel, but most importantly, confide with someone dear. Never forget that forgiveness is something we do for ourselves and not necessarily for other. It may be difficult to forgive, but with Jesus, the mountain is surmountable.

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